See what I mean?

It wasn't even a couple days before this blog fell off the face of the earth into the black abyss yet again. It was those two posts. Those two days of promising myself that this time around it would be different, and look where it got me. Absolutely nowhere. 

-sighs- 

I wish I could say the past few months of my life have been filled with joy and happiness beyond my wildest dreams, but I would be lying. Miserably, might I add, if I said such a thing. And... much as I might tell that lie to someone's face, pretending that everything is okay when deep inside I'm racked with pain... And even then, my ability to hide how I'm feeling is faltering again. 

So there. I won't sugar coat it. It's been a rough couple of months, speckled with a few days where things really were okay, piled onto a rough couple of years. 

But I also don't want to get into it. 

I read an article the other day about some of the worst things a person can say to another with depression and anxiety, and I had to admit I was laughing and nodding about it. I agree, wholeheartedly. Telling me to get over it won't alleviate my symptoms. Telling me that I should be grateful it's not worse, or that someone else out there has something real to cry about doesn't help either. sadly... there are a million other things that just... don't say them. Especially if you don't know the person. 

I am one of those that if I come to you, I don't always want advice. I rarely want you to comment on my little things. And don't tell me, when I'm already struggling with my faith, that how I'm feeling is a test from God. That He would never give me anything more than I can handle. Because honestly? Look at world... How can you say that He wouldn't when there are people out there that are taking their lives because of the troubles they are having? Even me... the thought of taking my life has crossed my mind more than once these past couple months. Are we given more than we can handle just to see which one of us breaks first?

I'm sure I'm going to get backlash for actually publishing that last statement, but its the truth. It's how I've been feeling. 

Instead... just listen to me. Let me talk. Let me cry. Don't tell me to get over it. Don't try to make me look at the bigger picture, because honestly? In the heat of the moment, I don't care about the bigger picture, and you trying to force my hand makes me feel guilt, and thusly even worse. Just... don't. Listen. Be there. That's all...