I have come to a realization....

Today I was visiting one of the other classes, presenting a lesson that I had taught to my own class this past Monday. And I had a little difficulty.

The lesson wasn't the problem. The lesson, a review on figurative language, was wonderful, so I'm told. Creative and catching, even if the assessment was a little off (multiple answer choices being correct--oops). After reviewing what each element is, and talking a few minutes about each one, I presented a clip of a song and asked students to "name that figurative element." They had multiple choices, and they had to prove it by copying the lyric from the song that showed it. So the ones that had multiple answers (because when I made the assessment I simply didn't see the other element) wasn't a problem. Prove the answer to me, and you're right.

They knew it.
They understood it.
Those that failed because they didn't prove it regret listening to the instructions.

My problem came, especially noticeable in the afternoon, with classroom management. Since this hasn't been the class I had been working with for the last few months, I was in unfamiliar water. When the teacher stepped out of the room to speak with another teacher for a moment, I was fine. I was on my element and had the ball rolling. When she returned however... I didn't realize it at the time, but I lessened my hold on them. Lessened my control just a little. I didn't even realize I had done it until she pointed it out to me during our Specials time. After thinking about it, I realized just how right she was.

I do defer control.

At the same time, in the classroom, I did figure out why. Because it is not the class I'm familiar with, or a teacher I've worked with before, I did not want to step on toes. I wanted to follow her rules, but knew little how she ran her class. I was thrown for a loop as soon as she came back because subconsciously, I did not want to overstep and falter.

Strange, isn't it?

Thinking about it, I see it in other areas of my life too. All I can really hope right now is that I can take my decision to step up, to try and stop deferring so much and apply it to real life. But my shyness is almost crippling. I'm scared to mess it up, especially around adults. It takes time for me to be comfortable around them and then I screw it up.

Guess we'll see what happens. Wish me luck.